The photo essay published last week in CNN.com has caused me a great deal of anxiety. I've debated whether to acknowledge it, or hope it just blows over, unnoticed.
I've finally arrived at the conclusion that, while I cannot endorse this article, its out there all the same. And I need to set the record straight on what I strongly feel are misrepresentations, in the images and especially the text, likely to confuse and misinform the viewer. After all, this is my story, and I need to have some say in how its presented to the world.
Textual errors of fact:
- The timeline is wrong. My gender journey began in 2004, not
2011. I reached out for my first medical and counseling care in 2007. By 2011, I
was ready to live full-time and proceeded to legally changed my name and come
out publicly.
- This essay misrepresents my
family, who have had their questions but nonetheless been very supportive, from
the start. Including my dad who despite being 80 years old gets my
female name
and pronouns right most of the time. Yes, the occasional "he" slips out but very rarely, and it does not bother me.
-
The health club
story is total fabrication. There was no "negotiation" at
sign-up. I informed them of my
gender status, and was assured I could use the female locker room, and
that they'd tolerate no discrimination or abuse from other patrons or the staff. Which has proven
entirely true.
- Riding public transit in Chicago has not been a daily hell. In 11 years of riding the CTA buses and trains I've
had one verbal altercation, and one significant, potentially dangerous
near-physical encounter. That's it. The suggestion of major problems on a regular basis is patently false.
Errors of Emphasis and Tone
- While the ten photos used by CNN at least include a glimmer of my active life, and are an improvement over
previous versions of the collection, they still give little idea
of my career, many friendships and activities outside the home, and therefore the breadth of my many interests and skills. Particularly my being a professional actor and theatre artist which is mentioned only parenthetically and not visualized at all.
-
The photographer describes me as having "no horns or tail". Well,
thanks for putting that image in everyone's head! This is supposedly
the kind of horrible creature he presumes people envision transgender women to be.
Well, whenever a writer (or politician) claims to speaks for "Mr. and
Mrs. Reader" they're uncovering only whats inside themselves, their own
prejudices and expectations. And in the process, leading the reader into
those very dark corners they claim to be diverting them from. This is
not just lousy journalism but cheap, exploitative writing.
- Transition is a lifelong process, not
a finish line as this article repeatedly implies. There is no
trophy awaiting, no magic bullet, nor prize at the bottom of the cereal
box. Gender transitioning exacts an ongoing price, not least of all in
critical self-awareness and
exacting self-care, and the rewards are uncertain. I'm one of the lucky
ones and very proud of what I've accomplished, so far, though this
article includes almost none of this.
- Contrary to
the sensationalized and judgmental text, no, I am not a Mrs. Bates,
mother of Norman, buying hundreds of clothes in an eery quest to "become another person". For the record, wardrobe is like all
matters of transgender presentation, including explorations in makeup,
hair, and how I move, how I speak. Namely, its part of an overall
effort to better match the person one feels inside with the person
everyone else sees, on the outside. The actual bizarre freak show, if there was one, was
my
donning regular male clothes for 49 years, marching to my male jobs, and
relating to partners and friends as a guy --- or in other
words, attempting to be "normal".
- And "racy
clothing"? First, who the hell even says racy any more? The SNL Church
Lady? Yes, some of my first clothes were dramatic, and sometimes very
experimental. We who transition later in life often explore many aspects of our new body and gender because we didn't get our chance to do this as teenagers.
That's it, really. So of course my eventual adoption of everyday garb,
jeans and sweaters and so forth, was not "coming back to who I was", as I
had never even been there in the first place. And maybe I'll end up wearing a different wardrobe next month. This is just a
reflection of personal growth. Not some kinky walk on the wild side.
- It makes for a pathetic, gruesome photograph, but for the record, years of expensive and painful electrolysis have removed nearly all of my beard.
Only a few light, sparse hairs along my jawline still hang in there and
are easily shaved away in about 20 seconds. Those 20 seconds are what
got photographed. I'm sure we all know cis women who work longer and
harder removing facial hairs than this.
Most of all, I
resent the overall sense of surprise that this article huffs and puffs and strains to whip up, in an effort to get the viewer Totally Amazed to Realize She's Just Like a Real Person! As with the horns and tails
bit, this attitude suggests that if one steps maybe a foot to the right and
squints, perhaps I'm not a real person, and indeed presumes most readers are probably standing in that bigoted, judgmental spot.
I've
not found this to be true. My life since coming-out has successfully
demonstrated to nearly all who meet me that I'm not a freak, but another flavor of humanity. I strongly feel that this truth has not been captured in the essay, and is the biggest reason I find it so disappointing. It takes public perceptions backward instead of moving them forward.
But ... its out there. And you must make of it what you will.
Delia
September 22, 2015
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